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We, as a nation, as a species, are hurting. I can see that plainly. There is such a deep crying out coming from so many souls. Countless people are immune to the sound, for they care little for others or their pain. Some hear it, but cannot bring themselves to react, for fear of feeling. Some, though, hear the wailings and have to react, have to feel, have to try to heal. We cannot be any other way. I don’t know where any of you fall, but I know I am a feeler.
And I feel this suffering, and I know how it is to live in a constant state of sacrifice, when every moment is a struggle. And I know sometimes you have to ask the questions like, “when can I just get around to the living, the peace, for just a little while?” It’s tough going when all the going is geared towards survival only, towards hanging onto what you have in this world, what little anyone has in their worlds. For some, that’s a home, for some it’s a job, for some it’s happiness, and for others, it’s their health. Looking for rays of sunshine in the gloom gets to be a tiresome affair day after day, as circumstances keep beating you over the head like mallets in a whack-a-mole game. So people hunker down and do what they can to avoid the pain of the whacking, and maybe they even throw dirt over their hidey-holes to soften the blows. Sure, it stops the mallets, but it also blocks the light, and a life of darkness becomes all there is. Struggle is not always inspiring or beautiful-it can be bleak and painful.
I try hard to give the world words of encouragement, sparks to start a fire in the darkness. A friend asked once, “Are you always as happy as your writings make you out to be?” Of course I’m not. I have gloomy, doomy thoughts, morose moments, times when the daily struggle gets to me, too. And yes, I write about that as well. But I tend not to share that and I keep it in private journals where it belongs, and I will tell you why. The world expresses enough negativity. People are far too readily sharing the worst of their lives. It’s too easy to give the gifts of sorrow, anger, and pain. I relish in being the contrary one, the outcast always. And I need the challenge of finding the joy, the light., for that is where I find my happy. And I hope it helps to heal someone, helps them put aside what’s eating at them for just a bit, so they can see the beauty of this world that I go out and seek, hunt down and capture in words for them. It’s not that I don’t feel the hurt or acknowledge the suffering, I do. It’s that I am here to try counteracting it, to find ways through it, or around it. I’ve learned how to change my way of viewing life and its peaks and valleys, and I try to share what I’ve learned, for my own benefit, sure, but for the benefit of all humanity, too.
In the darkest of times for a person, it is very difficult to find a happy. But, much of happy finding comes from within, comes from how one chooses to see things. That sounds absurdly simple, but sometimes, it’s not that easy to do. When dark thoughts occupy the majority of one’s days, and dark deeds confront a person at every turn, it’s a real dilemma. How does one find hope when the bills are overdue, the job is gone, the house is in foreclosure, or the illness takes over the body? Happiness does have to take a back seat sometimes. And I do believe that total immersion into the blackness is part of the human condition. We all have to dive into it fully once in a while, for that is how we sort it out in the long run-we get to know it, become familiar with its nature and source. It’s how we learn and how we learn to cope.
There are a few constants that help pull me through even the bleakest of times, and I will gladly share them with all of you, if it will in some way help. Here is some of what I’ve learned in my time upon the Earth.
There are good people all around us, and many will give all they are capable of giving to help you through almost any situation. There are positive, energetic folks who know how to help or how to find you help, and often, all you need to do is start talking. That draws these good people to you when you need them.
Most situations are temporary, and if you can find a way to hang on long enough, it will pass and you can think your way through it.
Tragedy and hardships are universal-no one has a monopoly or exclusive rights to such things. If all hits bottom for you, know that you are in good company.
If you cannot find a way to have a good day, shoot for a good moment. The littlest thing can often provide mountains of comfort. As silly as it may sound, count your blessings literally, especially the smaller ones. If you have a home, your health, someone or something to love and who loves you, or any combination thereof, you already have the best blessings of all. But there are less obvious ones-a patch of sunny yellow dandelions, a television commercial that makes you laugh, a cat or dog or any animal who shows you affection, a singing bird in the cold rain, a pair of great looking shoes that are comfortable, too, a window to gaze out of and daydream, a shiny penny on the sidewalk in front of you. The littlest blessings can add up to a whole bunch of smiles, and it matters only to you, and that’s important as well.
Keep some moments exclusively to yourself, and guard them against attackers. There will always be someone waiting to steal your happy. Believe it or not, they cannot. Only you can allow it to be stolen. Don’t be a victim, if that’s at all within your power. People can do things to you, bad, terrible things, but how you get through it, and over it, is all up to you, it’s all inside of you. In a world where so little is within your capacity to control, your reaction is the one thing that is solely up to you.
If you are happy, spread it far and wide. Give it to others who really need it, and the happy will feed off the happy until it becomes true joy. Joy is a light that is very difficult to extinguish.
Cry when you need to, and don’t be ashamed of it, and don’t make apologies for it. Tears are a blessing, too. Don’t expect anyone else to understand your tears, but be grateful and thank them profusely if they do.
Whatever your means are, live within them and don’t over reach too far. It’s great to progress and to want to progress further, but it should never become a source of unease or anguish. All goals worth reaching take time, so take the time to get into the process of the whole affair.
It’s wonderful, and important, to love yourself, but it’s just as important to discipline yourself. Overindulgence of any sort brings nothing but guilt, poor habits, and often, ill health. Yell at yourself sometimes, parent yourself, tell yourself no, all the while knowing it’s for the betterment of yourself.
Will any of this solve your troubles? Probably not. Problem solving is a highly personal matter, and for the most part, I or anyone else cannot do that for you. But these little tips can help you see your problems in a more manageable way, and can help your attitude lighten in the face of your troubles. The world can be a very frightening, uninviting place, and life can kick anyone in the teeth repeatedly. But you are not alone, and you are not as helpless as you may feel.
I’m still learning, oh, am I learning! My biggest challenges are likely still to come. And when they come, I must face them and learn more. One thing I still have much to learn about it walking away, for I tend to think everything can be fixed, but seldom recognize that sometimes, the best fix is to walk away. The years have been ticking by me, and I’ve tried to hang onto as much as I can, to remember the important bits. Somehow, I fell like if I give them over to the world, they will be useful. And even if these bits of wisdom, of knowledge, end up being utterly useless, I’m ok with that, because I’ll have fulfilled my own internal drive to share these things; I’ll still have met my personal obligations, I’ll still have lived my life with purpose. And that, too, is a blessing to be counted.
Love and light and great happys to you all,
Tanya
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