What Do I Know?

Fast approaching an age
When the glory of the day
Collides with the shadows of tomorrow,
Inside, outside, all through,
All around-
Permeating, penetrating,
Overwhelming this fragile,
And yet so persistent
Desire to rest in the enveloping arms
Of this velvet universe,
Just to catch a moment
Of rest, to restore, revive,
Come alive, awake
And take the first step
On an untrodden path.

But lurking in dark places,
Waiting for the chance to steal
A tainted victory-
This manic-driven need
To know, to defeat the unknown,
To replace the peace of mind
With unrest, uncertainty,
Taking doubt to the head of the pack,
Causing instinct to be derailed
And misdirected,
Tricked into believing
That frantic is the only pace,
And the race to know all
Must be won
Before the game is done,
Before I figure out
That I know better than to play.

So I live, then, to be fed?
Shoved, crammed into my head,
Junk food for the soul,
Pork rinds on the way to my heart,
Blocking the arteries
And stopping truth from flowing
Through my veins,
The truth being that
I don’t need to know.

Let go, look inside and find
Where the madness all began-
Was it as children?  As young rebels?
The onset of maturity?
Somewhere in there lies the seed
That began to root,
That grew into the twisting
Thorny vines, with tempting blooms,
Emitting a potent, intoxicating scent
Strong enough to cloud, to kill the common sense
Some humans still managed to keep
Despite evolution-
And so we often miss
The beginning of fatality,
The stench of rotting futility,
The moment we begin to believe
That we must be driven,
Forever and always driven-
A prison, a quicksand trap,
A lie disguised-
“Eat this and become wise!”

Do you not recognize this deceit?
The warning?  Surely you see
There is no truth to this,
No happiness in knowing,
Accepting that you must be fed,
Believing
That you must know more than you can process
Before the proper stages,
The ages that bring tempered wisdom.

There is no benefit, no comfort to be had,
Nothing can compare to learning
Slowly, absorbing, taking time
To love the slow,
Ponder away, late at night,
Break the deadlines
Of sleeping, waking, eating, working, dying.
Disrupt the schedule,
Sip on a good cup of coffee,
Ignore the urge to gulp down life
In grotesque proportions,
Which leave you prone at any given moment
To choke to death
On that first bite of apple,
Was it worth all that,
Chew on this, worth the risk
To fulfill your quest
For all the knowledge,
Which does nothing
But bring you to the knees of ruin?
Make you weak and tired and sad?

I want to be boundless,
Free from the constant hounding,
Free to explore
What gifts I’ve already been given,
Unburdened of the pressure
To run off the cliff with the rest.
I want to walk calmly to the edge,
Stop and look down,
Gaze in watery-eyed wonder
At the stunning beauty below me,
Around me, inside me,
The pounding ocean waves,
The yawning chasm,
The deep, green valley.

All those who run,
They close their eyes as they fall,
And will never get to see
What I will see that same day,
And in the end,
All they think they know
Will never compare
To what I learned along the way.